How to decide what to do, according to Derek Sivers:
I have some easy rule-of-thumbs to follow
- whatever excites you, go do it
- whatever scares you, go do it
- every time you’re making a choice, one choice is the safe/comfortable choice - and one choice is the risky/uncomfortable choice. the risky/uncomfortable choice is the one that will teach you the most and make you grow the most, so that’s the one you should choose.
source: http://sivers.org/scares-excites-do-it
Gottman’s Four Horsemen of Apocalypse
Found this in my old blog on blogger:
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1. Criticism:
Attacking your partner’s personality or character, usually with the intent of making someone right and someone wrong:
Generalizations: “you always…” “you never…”“you’re the type of person who …” “why are you so …”
2. Contempt:
Attacking your partner’s sense of self with the intention to insult or psychologically abuse him/her:
- Insults and name-calling: “bitch, bastard, wimp, fat, stupid, ugly, slob, lazy…”
- Hostile humor, sarcasm or mockery
- Body language & tone of voice: sneering, rolling your eyes, curling your upper lip
3. Defensiveness:
Seeing self as the victim, warding off a perceived attack:
- Making excuses (e.g., external circumstances beyond your control forced you to act in a certain way) “It’s not my fault…”, “I didn’t…”
- Cross-complaining: meeting your partner’s complaint, or criticism with a complaint of your own, ignoring what your partner said
- Disagreeing and then cross-complaining “That’s not true, you’re the one who …” “I did this because you did that…”
- Yes-butting: start off agreeing but end up disagreeing - Repeating yourself without paying attention to what the other person is saying - Whining “It’s not fair.”
4. Stonewalling:
Withdrawing from the relationship as a way to avoid conflict. Partners may think they are trying to be “neutral” but stonewalling conveys disapproval, icy distance, separation, disconnection, and/or smugness:
- Stony silence
- Monosyllabic mutterings
- Changing the subject
- Removing yourself physically
- Silent Treatment
Remedies:
- Learn to make specific complaints & requests (when X happened, I felt Y, I want Z)
- Conscious communication: Speaking the unarguable truth & listening generously
- Validate your partner (let your partner know what makes sense to you about what they are saying; let them know you understand what they are feeling, see through their eyes)
- Shift to appreciation (5 times as much positive feeling & interaction as negative) - Claim responsibility: “What can I learn from this?” & “What can I do about it?”
- Re-write your inner script (replace thoughts of righteous indignation or innocent victimization with thoughts of appreciation, responsibility that are soothing & validating)
- Practice getting undefended (allowing your partner’s utterances to be what they really are: just thoughts and puffs of air) and let go of the stories that you are making up
Source: © Bob & Marlene Neufeld and Mary Ann Carmichael, 2005; www.marleneandbob.com based on Gottman, John. 1994. Why Marriages Succeed or Fail
I’ve never really been a fan of Taylor Swift, but watching this made me a big one.
Here are just two of the many quotables from the clip:
Quotable Quote 1:
Taylor: I had to fight for that song. Because when I first played it for my family and a few people, they were just sort of… hmm?
Leslie: But you believed in it. You trusted yourself.
Taylor: Yeah it’s almost more fun that way. When you have something to prove.
Quotable Quote 2:
Leslie: You’re a role model, and you know it.
Taylor: I think it’s my responsibility to know it. And be conscious of it. It’ll be really easy to say “I’m 21 now, I do what I want. You raise your kids.” But it’s not the truth of it. The truth of it is that every singer out there with a song on the radio is raising the next generation. So make your words count.
Way to go Taylor! :)
Source: 60 Minutes, Nov, 20 2011
“Is Facebook forever?” says Ralston. “No fucking way. Of course it’s not. Is Google scared of Facebook now? Yes. Are venture capitalists willing to say, ‘Is this that thing?’ Sure. Of course. We ought to be. We have to be. That’s the way the world works now. It’s all connected, interrelated, and people will change fast. Does that mean there will be a post-Facebook world? I don’t know. Will it be soon? Does it have to do with mobile? Maybe. Would I invest in a company that said, ‘Hey, we have something that’s different?’ Yeah,” he concludes. “I did.”
- Geoff Ralston (Color board member, former Yahoo’s chief product officer before serving as Lala’s CEO), in Bill Nguyen: The Boy In The Bubble
Wow, as of now I can’t imagine the world without Facebook?
