likes: detective stories; treasure hunt; daydreaming; solving problems; contrasts; (dis)harmony; efficiency; life; cycling; communication; meaning; obsessed with curious things; ♥

"communication"
Thursday, December 15, 2011

Tony, my father was a master at giving cnstructive feedback that I could “hear”.  He watched for things I did, and then commented that “I noticed you did X, Y and Z to solve that problem and they worked really well“    Or, he would say “I realize you are worrying about  X situation ,and I was thinking that if you tried  A, maybe it would work.“  In other words, he confirmed who I was when he commented specifically on good things, and he did not put suggestions in terms of something that I should do to correct one of my problems, but took the suggestion onto himself (“I was thinking about”  instead of “you should do this”).  So when he said something, and it was in a couple of sentences, not a half hour lecture, I could hear him and with dignity, try it out!

One of the comments to the article “There’s no such thing as constructive criticism”. 

솔직함

생각없이 솔직하게만 말을 하려고 하는 것은, 게으름이다. 배려심 없는 게으름. ‘솔직하다’란 말 뒤에 숨어져 있을 만한 잔인함을 합리화 시키는 것이다. 대신 원하는 결과가 무엇인지 알아야 한다. 너의 잔인한 솔직함이 너가 원하는 결과에 도달하게 해 줄 것인가? 아니면 그저 남에게 필요없는 상처만 남기는가? 

하지만 듣는 사람도 결코 passive 하기만 한 존재가 아니다. 듣는 사람이 잘 풀이해서 듣는 방법도 있다. 있는 그대로 듣는게 아니라 다르게 풀이할 수도 있다. 스티브 잡스의 잔인한 말들을 달리 풀이해서 들은 처음 맥킨토시 사원들 처럼. 결국 원하는 결과가 무엇인지 알아야 한다.

생각하는 연습.

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